I can tuck mytits in my pants
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
