are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
