He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
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i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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