You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
how drunk are you?
Several
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
