Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
