They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
