Barsexuality is the new black.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
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We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
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You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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