so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
