easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
