The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
