You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
