So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I think my moral compass just broke
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