I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
