she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
