Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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