My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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