You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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