I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
