How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
