I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
