i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
