yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
