Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
