God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
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you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
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I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
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