Is it because I queefed?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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