Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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