So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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