God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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