That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize
