I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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