My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
