TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
