yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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