Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
