Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
