Sorry, I don't speak sober.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
