Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
