One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
