in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
