I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
