i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
