I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
