So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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