Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
