if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
