my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
