Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
