im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
