The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Randomize
