the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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