I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
