first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
