Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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