P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
