I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
