You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
