I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
