I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
