I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
