my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Someone came in the potted fern
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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