Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
