just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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