hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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