Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
