how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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