2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i think my tv is drunk
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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