The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
