I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Your topless pictures make me question reality
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
