I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
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Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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