Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
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