I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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