i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
