I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
