Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
