im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
