well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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