the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
