i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
