something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
