I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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