I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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