So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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