My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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