2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
