Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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