Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
